stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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