I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
