I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
