so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
