Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
