The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize