Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
