He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
