so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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