he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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