ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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