Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
