i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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