the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
