I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
