i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
