weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
