nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
