I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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