Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
