Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
