she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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