I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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