we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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