that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
