the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
