"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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