the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
