im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
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I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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