I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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