seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
