Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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