so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
