don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
