you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
