You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Welp...herpes.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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