There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
