the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
