Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize