nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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