you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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