Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
