dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
