so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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