either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
