There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
