Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
