he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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