Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
