her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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