i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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