Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
