I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
