I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
