Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
