I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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